It's 10:30 at night and I should be sleeping lest I be a zombie tomorrow, but I have words to say and if I go to sleep without saying them first then I'll lose them.  So here we go.

I'm happy.  I'm so happy.  I honestly can't remember a time when I've felt this happy.  Though I guess that it's like my councelor said, when people are at an emotional low, they really can't remember anything else.  But what about emotional highs?  I'm sure there have been ones before now, in fact I can remember feeling this way before, but I can't remember why.  Maybe I'm just not supposed to remember why.  Maybe this feeling is enough right now, because tomorrow I'm going to wake up and go to school tired as I always do and get stressed out like I have been ever since I stopped having a study hall.  It seems silly, now that I see it written there, but not having a study hall has been kind of overwhealming at times, because the homework from all of my classes just piles up and I have no choice but to do it after school.  I need to stop being such a procrastinator, I guess.

I feel really self-confident too, and that's weird considering I'm a hormonal teenage girl and we're almost never satisfied.  I don't feel too fat or too ugly, and even though I complain about being short I really don't mind that much, because it's just another part of me, and if I was any taller I wouldn't be quite the same person.  I don't feel like I need make-up, and even though I'm one of the few girls who doesn't wear any I just don't feel that I'm lacking for it.  It's not that I don't know how to put on make-up, it's just that I don't think I really need to improve my face.

And I really don't mind when random people come up to me in Fazoli's and compliment my hair.  Really I don't.

I think I've grown since last year.  I guess I say that every year, but that's because it's true.  I know more people now and I have more friends now, and I feel a little more like I actually belong there, and not that I'm an outsider trying to worm my way into their lifestyle.

And guy friends are nice to have, because when you're stressed out your girl friends will sit there and sympathize and even cry with you if it comes to that, but your guy friends will be totally oblivious to the fact that anything is wrong and they'll act the way they always do, which is usually stupid.  But sometimes a "your mom" is all that you need.  Sometimes.

My dad was digging through some old pictures, and I don't even recognize myself anymore.  It's so strange to see how everyone's changed, and not just myself.  I looked at my parents' wedding pictures and saw how pretty my mom was, and how pretty she still is, but in a different way now.

And for the first time in a long while, I think I'm going to be okay.

Love always,

Keisha