Christmas is creeping up on me and I don't know if I'm ready.  I have no money this Christmas, mainly because I spent it all on Vanilla and don't currently have a job.  I'll start looking after Christmas break, but my main issue there is that I have no mode of transportation and my parents are gone doing other things a great deal of the time.  I have no one else to bum a ride off of.  Work for a fifteen-year-old in Buckley is extremely limited.

So, sorry guys, but you probably aren't getting a Christmas present from me this year.  I'll make it up to you on your birthday, I promise.

I've been very, very tired the last week.  Not overwhealmed, just tired.  It feels a little like that first week when I started taking meds and they made me really, really sleepy.  It would just sort of hit me all of a sudden, and all I wanted to do was take a nap.  That's what I've felt like all week, and I've been going to bed at 9:30 every night and still been unwilling to wake up in the morning.

I like my friends, you know that?  Really I do.  And it feels nice to get to hang out with someone for a little while instead of sitting at the computer desk like I do the rest of the time.  I like being happy and laughing my ass off at absolutely nothing.  I feel a little bit more like I belong.

I guess that's one thing I struggled with last year, aside from the depression.  I didn't feel like I really belonged where I was.  I was so out-of-place and I didn't know more than maybe a small handful of people.  But I'm a little less scared to talk to people now.  I'm starting to come out of my shell just a little more.  I still have a long way to go, but at least it's a start.

Mom came in and took me and my brother out into the country to look at the northern lights.  They weren't quite as breathtaking as the pictures you always see of them at the north pole, but that's probably because we're in Illinois and not the north pole.  But they were still pretty, like a shimmery little river in the sky.  I don't really know how to describe it.  It made me feel significant somehow.

Love always,

Keisha